First of all, I would like to say a very large THANK-YOU to all who have sent encouraging words lately. I read so many of your blogs and it helps me to know that there are so many of us just trying to get through this life in one piece and that God put us all here to uplift one another. I've read recently about anxiety attacks, dear friends lost tragically, a child's funny antics, sacrificing one's self to save a child from harm, concern over an ill child, family traditions and happy memories.
I sat here tonight wrapped tightly in my own suffocating blanket of panic and anxiety. I've been treading in very unfamiliar waters and felt the brick of my own self-absorption pulling me down. I've been a Scrooge this Christmas and I've had no desire to decorate and the thought of going out and trying to finish shopping for my very simple Christmas list made me want to crawl back into bed and hide.
HOWEVER, today that all changed. I went to church today with my anxiety radar beeping loudly because we had to be there early . . . etc. I got to church and practiced with the choir for the first time in months. For those of you who know me you know that singing is one thing that I can do well and it brings joy to my heart. So even though I was wrestling with my two girls today at practice, the joy of singing songs about the birth of the Savior had a wonderful affect. A little spark of the Season lit in my heart.
After church we arrived home and let our two tired girls nap/rest while we finished dinner preparations. Charley was really tired and grumpy but after a little bit of coaxing, decided she did like mashed potatoes and roast after all! After some good progress in clearing her plate, Charley suddenly stopped and gagged. Alarmed, Ameri and I turned our attention to her. A stream of throw-up exploded from her mouth. I grabbed her as she continued to struggle to get her breath and we realized she was choking. She was strangely calm, I'm assuming from shock, as all of this was going on. I turned her on her stomach and put my finger in her mouth to get whatever was in there OUT. Once it was dislodged, she continued to throw-up everywhere which made it difficult for her to catch her breath. Instinctively, I just held her and let her throw-up all over me in an attempt to help her. When we finally made it to the shower to clean her off, the reality of the situation hit both of us and we cried together. It was the first time I had really cried in months. I thank Heavenly Father for saving my little girl.
After we got the girls to bed I sat down at my computer to continue my search for someone to watch my kids while I work my 6 hours a week. That old demon named ANXIETY reared his ugly head so I decided to take a break and check out my friends' blogs. I was touched by the words of encouragement people left for me and especially touched by my friend Cheryl's blog. She just lost someone dear to her family and she so eloquently writes about her emotions. I'm not sure what to write to you Cheryl - I'm not nearly so eloquent, but I must give you my thanks and let you know that you will be in my prayers.
You've all read these last few posts as I purge my soul a little. Again, THANK-YOU.
Oh, and yes. I do have a camera now. It's lovely and simple and I'll post new pictures soon.
I sat here tonight wrapped tightly in my own suffocating blanket of panic and anxiety. I've been treading in very unfamiliar waters and felt the brick of my own self-absorption pulling me down. I've been a Scrooge this Christmas and I've had no desire to decorate and the thought of going out and trying to finish shopping for my very simple Christmas list made me want to crawl back into bed and hide.
HOWEVER, today that all changed. I went to church today with my anxiety radar beeping loudly because we had to be there early . . . etc. I got to church and practiced with the choir for the first time in months. For those of you who know me you know that singing is one thing that I can do well and it brings joy to my heart. So even though I was wrestling with my two girls today at practice, the joy of singing songs about the birth of the Savior had a wonderful affect. A little spark of the Season lit in my heart.
After church we arrived home and let our two tired girls nap/rest while we finished dinner preparations. Charley was really tired and grumpy but after a little bit of coaxing, decided she did like mashed potatoes and roast after all! After some good progress in clearing her plate, Charley suddenly stopped and gagged. Alarmed, Ameri and I turned our attention to her. A stream of throw-up exploded from her mouth. I grabbed her as she continued to struggle to get her breath and we realized she was choking. She was strangely calm, I'm assuming from shock, as all of this was going on. I turned her on her stomach and put my finger in her mouth to get whatever was in there OUT. Once it was dislodged, she continued to throw-up everywhere which made it difficult for her to catch her breath. Instinctively, I just held her and let her throw-up all over me in an attempt to help her. When we finally made it to the shower to clean her off, the reality of the situation hit both of us and we cried together. It was the first time I had really cried in months. I thank Heavenly Father for saving my little girl.
After we got the girls to bed I sat down at my computer to continue my search for someone to watch my kids while I work my 6 hours a week. That old demon named ANXIETY reared his ugly head so I decided to take a break and check out my friends' blogs. I was touched by the words of encouragement people left for me and especially touched by my friend Cheryl's blog. She just lost someone dear to her family and she so eloquently writes about her emotions. I'm not sure what to write to you Cheryl - I'm not nearly so eloquent, but I must give you my thanks and let you know that you will be in my prayers.
You've all read these last few posts as I purge my soul a little. Again, THANK-YOU.
Oh, and yes. I do have a camera now. It's lovely and simple and I'll post new pictures soon.
2 comments:
wow! how scary for your family! i've been thinking lately that i need to refresh on my infant/child cpr!
what a good mom to just let her throw-up all over you as you held her. i'm sure it made her feel so much better to be held tightly by her mommie and she felt your unconditional love for her as she struggled. that alone was enough to save her, i'm sure!
there is nothing more cleansing than a good cry. let it all out! i think you need to take a good, long break and enjoy the season!
That is pretty creepy to have that happen to your family! You write so well it gave me chills up my spine! I felt like i was there with you. I still panic when my kids choke even though i am a nurse. It is just a crazy feeling. We are all just hanging in there. You are an awesome mommie
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